So Fogged Up

Hey there inter-peeps!

I’ve been so neglectful of this blog. My brain’s been all foggy. It could totally have everything to do with my poor diet for the past month and a half while on vacation (I’m talking nutella sammiches and sodas twice a day because they came in really cool glass bottles and were really hard to turn down okay?!). Anyways, I’ve just been stuck in my head and I kind of want to talk it out and hopefully untangle myself.

Sometimes I get these really great thoughts in my head, and they spill on me and cloak me and I get so consumed by them. I so badly want to write it down and dwindle on it and dance with it and make little pieces of literary art from these thoughts. But there is one thing, or person rather, who stands in the way and you guessed it…that person is me. I become frozen. Simply unable to grab a pen to jot down my thoughts. I just sit there numb and unwilling to move as if I was daring my thoughts to leave my mind. And they do…as all good things do. The thoughts fleet and then I mull over why I was such a lazy piece of lard and why I let such a good thing go. It’s tragic in a sense. I am watching my thoughts, ideas, creativity…sort of die. What does this mean? Whyyy am I doing that?

Writing gives me this rush. A joy that is hard to capture and preserve. Maybe I’m afraid of good things. I some times even find myself stopping myself from day dreaming because I’m kind of afraid of how good it is and where it may go. Things like the “future” is scary territory and I am literally able to prevent myself from thinking of it with intention, because God forbid I get my hopes up, you know? Maybe it’s like that. Maybe I’m scared of trying to bring a thought to life because what if I fail at making it all that I thought it would be or could be…

Anyways, I really want to start writing again. Here’s me just poking the water to make sure no sharks are out to bite. I just really want to trail my thoughts, I want to find out what they are all about, I want to see where it will take me, how far I’m willing to go, or even just keep my mind open for discussion and exploration. Or even just to rant like I’m doing now. It feels good. I’ve really missed this.

It’s nice to be back.

Hope to see you around!

xoxo

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