Today, is a monumental day for me. I am writing this post without abandon, because I cannot express how happy I am in this moment. For the first time in my entire life, I am truly in love with myself. Now that I write that, it sounds a bit millenialesque and a bit narcassistic, but it’s not… it is a pure love beaming from the core of my heart for the first time in my life. Today on April 7, 2016 – I fell in love with myself. This moment might be fleeting, but it doesn’t feel like it. It feels so amazing and I just had to share. Wow. I looked at myself in the mirror with tears running down my face and I just spoke about how much I am grateful for me, for my soul, and for my body – how lucky am I?
There are a few things I would like to mention that led to this moment and I have to pay gratitude and tribute to it, because holy cow, thanks so much for introducing me to me.
During 2015, I spread my wings. I traveled, without family, and not for work purposes – I traveled to Colombia. I also visited the Grand Canyon all on my own. I started a blog and worked on writing a few pieces of poetry (see My Pretty Paradox if interested or curious or both). I went on a few dates for the first time in about 3 years. I took piano lessons. Singing lesson. Went kickboxing. Paraglided. Saw Beyonce perform with Jay-Z and Blue Ivy literally 3 feet away from me. WHAT. Recruited people to run the Spartan Race with me (6 people. yes. you go girl!), which is incredible because the previous year – I did it on my own. I bought my sister One Direction concert tickets for Christmas in 2014 for a concert in August 2015, and we fan-girled like a teenagers and I almost died when Harry gave a shout out to all the 25 year olds in the HOUSE – and that was me. me. surrounded by people much younger than I and I “WOOO”-ed my wild heart out. I had my first ever unsupervised sleepover. Yes, I’m 26 now. I threw a big ass bowling party for my sister’s 21st birthday and it was way out of my budget but it was so worth it. I played bubble ball and nearly snapped my back in half. I bought Lumosity and Fit Brains. I bought a Vitamix. I got a life coach. Holy hell – I did so much – I didn’t realize. But I did so much and I did it with determination but also with hesitation, a lot of fear, a lot of baggage. It was as if I was a bird with a giant boulder chained to my feet and I was fighting and fighting and flapping my wings and making moves – but I was not free. I was not able to be the free flying bird that I was born to be because of all this heavy boulder/baggage I had chained to me.
2016, is magic. It is hell but also magic. It started with a few great books that I’ve read so far. 1) The Road Less Traveled (2) Eat Pray Love (3) Killing Kennedy (4) I am currently reading and in the middle of – You are a Badass. Wow. Words are powerful. Each author brought something different but something alike to the table for me. Each one unravelled me and forced me to be introspective and get personal with myself. I often did not want to – some days it was even difficult for me to look in the mirror, but now I had to and it was a really important step. One made me appreciate my mind. Another made me appreciate my body and curiosity. Another made me appreciate mankind. Another made me appreciate the world around me. Another made me appreciate the combined power of mind and body – and the magic of resilience. Another made me realize that I have really great badassery potential. Then I did this wonderful program called the 21 day fix. It is magical. How can I explain that for a year and a half I’ve done everything I can to lose 10 pounds to no avail, but then all of a sudden I had a bathroom chat with a co-worker and decided to go for it and within 21 days I lost 10 pounds and leveled up to lifting 8lb weight from…wait for it…2 pound weights. Girlfriend say what?! It is awesome and beautiful and I want to share it with all the world. You can be fit, it’s possible!! (Ask me about it if you’re curious!) And then some terrible things happened like me going on a date with an awesome guy, but he didn’t want a relationship, so I stopped talking to him so he got mad at me and told me “speak my truth” and I did, and he then invited me to coffee to talk it out and now we’re friends. This has been the first time I’ve been vulnerable with a man in about 4-5 years, and it was beautiful. I slept happy that night. He read me this little strip of comics that really really touched my heart and here it is if you want your heart to be touched too (http://zenpencils.com/comic/139-brene-brown-the-woman-in-the-arena/). So I made a new friend and I’m really happy about that. This has been followed by a series of deaths – 7 if we’re counting. These have made me realize how very short life is – you really never know when your time to go will come around, so why would you short circuit your light and potential and dreams? It doesn’t make sense. Sieze the day the best you can, because life is too short. Even if you live to be 100, life is still infinitely short. Then I saw two shows (1) Avenue Q (2) Fully Committed. Both were hilarious. And very inspiring. It was about finding your purpose and chasing after your dreams. I am so grateful for having gone to those shows, because they truly touched me and have given me momentum and thoughts to sit with. I also went a spin class and heard a speech from 4 para-athletes that truly moved me and set me on a path to gratefulness. And that brings me to this show called “New Girl.” I stopped watching it for a while, because life and started watching it again for the past month now. SO funny. I loved coming home and watching an episode or two because they always made me laugh. But today’s episode hit me in one million ways, like damn. It was the last episode of Season 4 and I was crying like a baby by the end of it which prompted me to get up for tissues which led me to my dresser with a big ol’ mirror attached to it. At this point I’m sobbing and then I look at myself and I sob some more because I can’t freaking believe that I had the heart to “hate” the person who stares back at me every single day when I look in the mirror. I can see. I can hear. I can speak. I can dance. I have hair. I have all of my limbs and I am healthy. I am alive. I am breathing. I have 100% reason to be grateful. I looked at myself and apologized for being SO unkind. I hurt myself more than any other person has ever hurt me in my life. I looked at my face and body and felt SO thankful for everything I have and for everything that makes me me – and for the first time in my life I looked myself in the eyes and felt true love in my heart. Wow – how can I explain how beautiful of a feeling that is? It felt like 1,000 splendid suns bursting in my heart. I wish I could save this moment in a little bottle and carry it with me everywhere. But more importantly I want to bottle up this moment within me and open it every time I feel a little dark or gloomy. Today is so special. Tell the world!! haha ❤
Lastly, I want to tell you about the name of this blog – it’s kind of crazy. I’ve been wanting to create this blog that totally represents me and my interests and everything that I burn to share with the world everyday. But naturally I was hesitant to do this. However, sometime last week I created this blog and my url was “Liz Speaks” – It came to me in the spur of the moment and my heart did not want me to think of any other possible url’s so as you can see my blogs url is “lizspeakssite.” Then I wanted to title my blog and so again it naturally came to me to name my blog “Liz’s Peak.” – Liz Speaks -> Liz’s Peak … whoaaaa. But I didn’t post anything, because I was thinking “I don’t get it…what am I doing. Liz’s Peak? What?” Then I had this really crazy dream where I was at the bottom of this mountain and I was also at the TOP of the mountain. And me at the bottom was telling me at the top -> “You’re aiming too high, come down.” My subconscious is so comfortable being at the bottom of the mountain – but there is a part of me that wants to be on top of the mountain in high spirits, right by the clouds soaking in the vast and enormous beauty of this world. SO THEN this last episode of season 4 of “New Girl” came to frost the cake!! *Tears all over my face* So here’s what happened: Cece tries to get over Shmidt because “he’s unattainable” “he doesn’t love her” and she wants “to get over it” so she sets out to…climb a mountain. She’s finally at the top and then she finally gets reception and her phone is dinging off the hook with messages telling her that “SHMIDT IS SINGLE AND TOTES MA GOATS RIDING SOLO WITH NO ONE IN SHOTGUN.” So she tumbles all the way down this mountain to run to Shmidt and when they finally see eachother again – they both confess their love for each other and he proposes to her! *bawling my eyes out now* YES! So many yeses!
So this blog. This post right here – is me telling you (and/or me) that I have reached the top of the mountain. And I got all the messages: “I love you!” “I’m riding solo yo, where you at?” “You got the power!” (you sang that last one didn’t you? hehehe) and my walk to the mirror was me tumbling down that mountain, running over to me at the bottom of the mountain to say, “hey, I love you too.” This blog is the birth of my love. It is my love child. I’ve reached my peak and now I come bearing child haha
Thank you to all the motions of the universe that has brought me to this beautiful moment. I couldn’t be more grateful. I have so much to do.
But for now, sayonara you beautiful people. You’re awesome and don’t you forget it.